I've decided. NUS Faculy of Science is what I've chosen, after much deliberation.
It was really an act of obedience to stop being so double-minded and make my choice. I thank God for using my mum to convince me to pick NUS. Of course, He later used sunday's sermon on Obedience to urge me that whatever other hesitations that I still have got to be surrendered. Then during closed cell (we finished RUTH finally btw!), the whole essence of the story of Ruth was also about obedience and submission. There and then, I thought I really have to stop hesitating about anything, stop even waiting for USP. There're so much more to uni than USP right??
However, even as I've accepted the offer from NUS on Monday, I wasn't too excited and I got worried. Is it the tension? Did I make a wrong decision? Did I hear wrongly from God? Just today, as I was doing the worship team's church camp prep devotional, it just spoke to me about following the ways of God, His statutes, longing for His precepts and choosing to live a life 'thirsty for His righteousness', which was what we went through in cell on Friday night. Just another thing before I go on is that on Friday I got a reply from the USP ppl to say my application was not successful.
Well okay anyway, I was just thinking of how my thoughts were not righteous, not Christ-like. I had thirst for the recognition of being under the USP. I had hungered basically for something of the world; it was all merely to fulfil my pride, make me stand tall in the fact that I've successfully got into USP. As if to make up for not getting straight A's or something. Previously, I was basing my decision to choose NUS with the pre-requisite that I get into USP. Even though I say I'm willing to let God determine my path, it's like I was still secretly trying to box Him unknowingly.
However, hearing the news on friday that I didn't get in wasn't so bad because I know I've triumphed over this and went ahead to accept NUS way before I knew my results of USP. If I had chosen NTU, I probably wouldn't have realised the un-righteous, un-Christlike thoughts I had. I probably would have just thought it was a good decision since anyway, I didnt get into USP wad. And I had other noble reasons (excuses!) to go NTU. You get what I mean?? But having chosen NUS despite of this turnout, I've gained more and seen more of how prideful I can get, how eager to show off and please Man.
So now, I'm glad and at peace to know that NUS is a right decision made. I know I've honoured God in this sense. So heh heh yep. YAY!
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What am I feeling? But then again, feelings are deceptive. I need more clarity.
sarahluikitleng`
braces;
small&handy bible;